Frieza, Lord of Porn
by SSJSkaterTrunks
Summary: Frieza decides to make porn magazines and other porn stuff instead of blowing up planets. My first fic! Please review! Thanks! ///UPDATED: CH.17\\\ Completed! Look for the sequel!
1. Porn Magazines?

Hullo there, this is my first fic….I know its short, but I was really bored. Enjoy!!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ or any characters…don't sue I'm poor…ooohh a penny, muahaha I'm rich ::ahem:: hehe don't mind me.  
  
  
  
It's a boring day on Frieza's ship. Frieza just blew up 50 planets and is still bored.  
  
"Zarbon, I don't think blowing up planets is fun anymore. What shall I do?"  
  
"Well Lord Frieza, we could always make porn magazines."  
  
"Hmm, that's a wonderful idea Zarbon. Get the Ginyu Force, we have a porn magazine to make!"  
  
Zarbon is getting a camera and the Ginyu Force are practicing some exotic poses. Frieza walks in the training room wearing a silk robe.  
  
" Ok, we'll start with the Ginyu Force." Zarbon said while trying to figure out how to work the camera.  
  
The Ginyu Force begin doing their poses.  
  
"Great, ooh that's nice, come on," Zarbon said with each click of the camera. He kept going until the camera ran out of film.  
  
"Lord Frieza it's your turn."  
  
"Ok."  
  
Frieza began to take of his robe, when Vegeta and Nappa came in.  
  
"What the fuck!" Vegeta and Nappa screamed at the same time.  
  
"Ahh Vegeta, Nappa, would you like to be in our porn magazine?" Zarbon asked.  
  
"Hell no!" they screamed and ran out of the training room.  
  
"oh, well, back to taking pictures!"  
  
That night Nappa and Vegeta kept seeing a naked Frieza and didn't get any sleep.  
  
Did you like it?? Please R/R… thanks!! 


	2. Play Alien

Woohoo, I decided to add another chapter to this fic cuz I was bored…Go me!!!  
  
Disclaimer: * starts to sing really badly * I don't own DBZ, so please oh please don't sue me!! Oh yeah, don't sue me * gets really in to song and doesn't notice everyone leaving * * Cell flies in and kicks me off my chair * Me: Oww hey, what was that for Cell: Everyone left because your singing sucks * Looks to where everyone should be and see seals with hearts instead of eyes * Me: woah, was my singing that bad? Cell: yes it was, it sounded like a seal's mating call * flies off * Me: hehe, oops!  
  
  
  
Zarbon has finished taking pictures and is now making the magazine.  
  
"Zarbon, what should we call our magazine?"  
  
"Hmm, how about Play Alien."  
  
" That sounds wonderful!"  
  
Zarbon continues working on 'Play Alien'. He soon finishes and has boxes full of magazines.  
  
"I think we should leave a magazine in everyone's quarters and head of to some planets to sell them Lord Frieza.  
  
"Hmm, yes good idea Zarbon."  
  
They go around and leave a magazine in everyone's rooms, then head off to the first victim…umm I mean planet.  
  
Meanwhile  
  
Vegeta and Nappa are training after a week of no sleep because every time they closed their eyes they would see Frieza naked.  
  
"I think we should head back to our rooms."  
  
"Of course Prince Vegeta."  
  
Vegeta and Nappa walk back to their rooms and go inside. Vegeta notices something on his bed and picks it up. Vegeta drops the magazine and begins to scream. Nappa hears this and comes running in the room.  
  
"Prince Vegeta what's wrong?"  
  
Vegeta curls up in a ball and begins to cry and scream. He points a shaking finger at the magazine. Nappa picks it up and his eyes bulge out of his head. On the cover of 'Play Alien' is a picture of a naked Frieza. Nappa drops on his knees and blows the magazine to smithereens.  
  
"I finally got that fucking picture out of my head and now it's back!"  
  
"It's like a nightmare! That bastard will pay for this!"  
  
They both sit on the floor crying and screams from everyone on the ship can be heard.  
  
Back to Frieza and Zarbon…  
  
"Hmm, I wonder if everyone likes our magazine."  
  
"I'm sure everyone loves it My Lord."  
  
Frieza and Zarbon take a 2-person ship to deliver 'Play Alien' to distant planets.  
  
"Where are we headed, Lord Frieza?"  
  
"It's a place called Earth."(a/n: omg, they're bringing that shit here, go back, go back!)  
  
A couple of hours later Frieza and Zarbon land on Earth and fly to New York. They walk to a street corner and set up a stand. A bunch of people walk by and look like their going to throw up.  
  
"Hmm, I don't think they like it very much."  
  
"Well Zarbon, we'll have to make them buy it."  
  
Zarbon grabbed the man that walked by and formed a ki ball.  
  
"Buy this magazine, or I'll kill you!"  
  
"Uh, sure, please don't hurt me!"  
  
The man paid for the magazine and ran away as fast as he could. Zarbon did this to everyone walking by and soon sold out of magazines. They went off to the next planet and did the same. Finally they were all sold out.  
  
"Hmm, well we sold all of the magazines, what should we do now Zarbon?"  
  
"Perhaps we could make porn movies My Lord."  
  
"Yes, that sound interesting." 


	3. Lets Make Movies!

Ok, so now Frieza and Zarbon are making porn movies. Is that sick or what?  
  
Thanks for the reviews everyone!! *Gives thumbs up*  
  
Disclaimer: Me: I-I-I don't wanna say it. Cell: You have too, now say it! Me: Fine, idontowndbz. Cell: What was that? Me: I DON'T OWN DBZ, OK? Cell: That's much better, she also doesn't own Star Wars. Me: Shhh, why'd you tell them that?  
  
***  
  
Zarbon and Frieza were setting up the room that they were using to make their porn movie. Dodoria skips in and starts waving a video around.  
  
"Hey, look what I stole from monkey boy."  
  
"What is it Dodoria, can't you see we're busy."  
  
"It's this movie called Star Wars. Everyone on planet Earth likes this movie. I stole it so I could see what was so great about it."  
  
"Uh huh, that's nice Dodoria, now scram!"  
  
"Yes Lord Frieza."  
  
Dodoria left and everyone continues with what they were doing. Zarbon finally gets the video camera set up and they begin filming. (A/N: ok I'm not getting into detail about what they were filming, I just ate!) They finish filming and start to make copies.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Vegeta and Nappa are once again training, finally getting that picture of Frieza out of their heads. They decide to train extra long to make up for all the time they lost.  
  
"I swear Nappa, one day Frieza will pay for putting those awful pictures in my head!"  
  
"Yes, of course Prince Vegeta."  
  
"I don't want to think about this anymore, lets take a break. I got this movie that all the people on planet Earth seem to like. Do you want to watch it?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
Vegeta and Nappa head back to their rooms to watch Star Wars.  
  
Back to Frieza and Zarbon…  
  
"Lord Frieza, what planet are we selling these to first?"  
  
"I think we'll go back to planet Earth." (A/N: ahh, no you stupid lizard. Stay away!)  
  
"Hmm, how do you suppose we sell these if we could hardly sell the magazines?"  
  
"Hmm, that's a good question."  
  
They sat and thought for awhile. Then they both got an idea.  
  
***  
  
Dodoria was sitting in his quarters watching Star Wars. All of a sudden the door blasted open.  
  
"Dodoria I need that movie now!"  
  
"Of course Lord Frieza."  
  
Dodoria took the movie out of the VCR and placed it back in the box. Frieza took it and ran back to the room where he and Zarbon were making the copies of the movie.  
  
"Do you have it My Lord?"  
  
Frieza handed him the tape. Zarbon took the box and made copies of it.  
  
"This is our best idea yet Zarbon!"  
  
"Yes it is."  
  
Zarbon and Frieza are planning on putting their videos in Star Wars boxes in order to sell them on planet Earth. They finish, go to everyone's rooms and put a movie on the beds.  
  
***  
  
Vegeta and Nappa had stopped to get something to eat. They were now walking to Vegeta's room.  
  
"I hope this movie is as good as the Earthlings say it is."  
  
They reach Vegeta's room and open the door. Vegeta sees the movie on his bed.  
  
"Hmm, I don't remember putting this here. Oh well."  
  
Vegeta puts in the tape and sits down. All of a sudden some funky music comes on and Frieza, who is naked, walks onto the screen. Vegeta screams and blasts the TV to the next dimension. (A/N: poor TV, oops I mean poor Vegeta) Nappa is crying and jumping up and down, screaming about how unfair it is. Vegeta runs to his bathroom and starts popping pills into his mouth.  
  
"That fucking lizard! He will pay for this!"  
  
Vegeta starts crying and makes some coffee.  
  
"Looks like another week of no sleep thanks to that bastard!"  
  
***  
  
Frieza and Zarbon land on Earth and fly to New Jersey. (A/N: haha, I feel bad for the people that live there, wait a minute, I LIVE THERE!!! ahhh!!) They land and sell "Star Wars" to a bunch of unsuspecting people. They sellout and go to distance planets telling them that Earthlings recommend this movie. Zarbon and Frieza head back and plan what to make next.  
  
***  
  
  
  
Woohoo, ok that was chapter 3. U like?? Please review thanks, *gives thumbs up* Poor Vegeta, I hope he never reads this. Hell, I hope Frieza and Zarbon don't read this, otherwise I'm never buying a Star Wars movie! 


	4. www.playalien.com

Woohoo. I thought of this chapter during history class on Friday, lol. I'd like to thank everyone that's reviewed so far, you guys rock *gives thumbs up*  
  
Disclaimer: Me: I still don't own DBZ but I will one day and then I will own the universe muahahaha *cough* hahaha Cell: Don't mind her, she hasn't had her happy pills *gives happy pills* Me: Ohh ahhh  
  
***  
  
Zarbon and Frieza have been sitting in the same spot for over an hour trying to figure out what to do next. It's been three weeks since they sold their porn videos. Dodoria comes in the room.  
  
"Hiya! Look what I bought."  
  
"Hmm…"  
  
"It's a digital camera. I can take pictures on the computer and e-mail them, since we have the internet now."  
  
Zarbon's gold eyes light up.  
  
"Uh huh that's nice. Now beat it Dodoria!"  
  
"Wait. Lord Frieza, Dodoria just gave me an idea."  
  
"I did?"  
  
"Yes. We can take pictures and make a web site!"  
  
"Wonderful idea Zarbon!"  
  
"Wait, I thought he said I gave him the idea?"  
  
"Shut up and get lost before I kill you!"  
  
"Yes Lord Frieza!"  
  
Zarbon and Frieza ran to a computer and began hooking up the digital camera.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
"That fucking lizard! I've had three weeks of no sleep or training. Some day I will kill him. As long as he's not naked."  
  
"Shall we get something to eat."  
  
"Yeah, good idea Nappa. Then we can check out this internet thing."  
  
Vegeta and Nappa walk to the dinning room.  
  
***  
  
Zarbon and Frieza have set up the camera and are now putting silk sheets on the walls.  
  
"This is a great idea, Zarbon, we can have our own web site."  
  
"Yes, it's great!"  
  
The Ginyu Force comes in and gets ready. Frieza puts on some makeup.  
  
'I didn't know master Frieza wore makeup'  
  
They begin to take pictures. They finish and Zarbon starts to make the web site.  
  
***  
  
Zarbon is just about finished with the web site. He checks it over and makes sure everything is ok.  
  
"Lord Frieza, I'm finished making the web site, now all we have to do is e- mail the address to everyone in the universe."(A/N: the web site is www.playalien .com, so if you see that address, don't click it, lol)  
  
Zarbon has finished sending the e-mails and he and Frieza are now looking at the web site.  
  
'Boy am I sexy' (A/N: Eww, that was Frieza thinking that, gross!)  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Vegeta is in his room with Nappa. They are trying to figure out how to use the internet.  
  
"Ok, I think I got us signed on"  
  
Computer: "You've got mail!"  
  
"Ok, so I have mail."  
  
Vegeta clicks on the mailbox and looks at his e-mails.  
  
"Hmm, what's this."  
  
E-mail: Come check out the sexiest aliens alive! *Picture of naked Frieza blowing a kiss* Click here!  
  
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT, NOOO!!!!"  
  
Vegeta and Nappa ki blast the computer (A/N: It was a good computer, loved by everyone and it will be remembered by all)  
  
Nappa and Vegeta scream their lungs out.  
  
"Not again! I am going to fucking kill that piece of shit, as soon as this fucking picture is out of my head!"  
  
Nappa goes to make some coffee.  
  
"Looks like another three weeks without sleep or training."  
  
***  
  
The magazines, videos and now web site have now traumatized everyone in the universe.  
  
***  
  
Ahhh, I've got a picture of Frieza naked and blowing kisses! Help me please, lol. Did you like it? Please review and tell me what you think. Remember I made this up during history class, woo I was thinking about Frieza naked instead of some boring tariff, lol. *gives thumbs up* everything will be ok if you drink coffee and don't go to sleep! 


	5. channel 1090

OMG, will this madness ever stop!? Just wait and see what Zarbon and Frieza are planning. Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: Me: umm, what was I supposed to say? Cell: *sweat drops* Me: Oh, yeah! I love Future Trunks! Cell: *falls over* Umm that's not what you're supposed to say. Me: It isn't? Cell: No, you're supposed to say 'I don't own DBZ' Me: Ohh right. I don't own DBZ! However, I do own planet Ziok, woohoo!  
  
***  
  
It's been three weeks since Zarbon and Frieza made their web site. They had to close it down because of all the hate mail. Dodoria comes prancing into the room.  
  
"Hey guys! Guess what!"  
  
"What…?"  
  
"Channel 1090 is shutting down and they need someone to buy it."  
  
"WHY DID YOU COME HERE AND TELL US THAT FOR?"  
  
"Umm, I dunno. I just thought you wanted to know" *sniffle*  
  
"GET OUT NOW!"  
  
Dodoria runs out of the room crying. Frieza and Zarbon go back to thinking of what they can do. They sit and think for a while.  
  
"Lord Frieza, I've got an idea."  
  
"Hmm…?"  
  
"Remember how Dodoria said that channel 1090 is shutting down?"  
  
"Yeah, what a stupid retard."  
  
"We can buy it and have our own channel on TV!"  
  
"That's a brilliant idea Zarbon!"  
  
Frieza and Zarbon get into a pod and fly to planet Ziok.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Vegeta and Nappa are finally training after three weeks of no sleep or training.  
  
"We need to catch up. We've missed weeks of training because of that fucking piece of shit!"  
  
"We will have are revenge someday Prince Vegeta."  
  
"Yes, yes we will."  
  
"Did you hear we have cable on our TVs now?"  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Uh huh. We have over 2,000 channels!"  
  
"After training we'll go channel surfing."  
  
On Planet Ziok…  
  
"I would like to buy channel 1090."  
  
"Ok."  
  
Frieza buys channel 1090. Zarbon and the Ginyu Force are setting up the room so they can film the show. Frieza has named the station 'Play Alien'. They begin filming. (A/N: no need for details, believe me you don't want to know what's going on.)  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Vegeta and Nappa are sitting on Vegeta's couch channel surfing.  
  
"Channel 1089…"  
  
"Boring."  
  
"Channel 1090…what the fuck!"  
  
Vegeta and Nappa stare wide eyed at the TV. On the screen is Frieza and guess what…he's naked.  
  
"Holy mother of pearl!"  
  
Vegeta blasts the TV until there is nothing left.  
  
"I can't believe this!"  
  
"This has to be a fucking nightmare, Kami please let it be a nightmare!"  
  
Vegeta and Nappa scream, curl up in a ball and the floor and begin to cry. They cry for 30 minutes and Vegeta goes to make coffee.  
  
"Looks like we're going to miss more training."  
  
"One day I will fucking kill that bastard!"  
  
Planet Ziok…  
  
Frieza and Zarbon have hired a crew to film. They find a bunch of aliens to do some shows and head back to the mother ship.  
  
"I think this will turn out well."  
  
"Yes, me too."  
  
Zarbon and Frieza start planning their next move.  
  
'I will become the lord of porn' (A/N: My God, Frieza is a gross lizard thing-a-ma-jig.)  
  
***  
  
Thank the lord we don't get channel 1090! Did you like it, please review *gives thumbs up* woohoo!!! 


	6. To Las Vegas We Go!

Woohoo, another chapter. I had to do so much schoolwork that I didn't even have time to think about this fic. Since I'm currently sick I have time to write a chapter. Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: … Cell: Where'd she go? Me: *Runs after Future Trunks* I love you, come back! I just wanna kiss you! Cell: *sweat drops* Get over here! Me: huh? Oh sorry, I don't own DBZ, ok? *Runs back to Future Trunks* Come back here hottie! Cell: What a freak!  
  
***  
  
Planet Ziok was destroyed by a meteor shower, so channel 1090 is no more. (A/N: Thank Kami!) Vegeta and Nappa have gone to Earth for a vacation. Frieza and Zarbon are now trying to figure out what to do next.  
  
"Lord Frieza, I don't think this is working. Why don't we just give up?"  
  
"NO WAY! We will keep trying until we have succeeded."  
  
They sit and continue to think. Dodoria comes hopping into the room.  
  
"Hey guys!"  
  
"Hmm… Oh hi."  
  
"Look what I found in monkey boys room."  
  
"This better be worth my time Dodoria!"  
  
"Well you know how they went to Earth to a place called Las Vegas. They have shows there where girls wear like nothing and dance and people watch and stuff."  
  
"And…"  
  
"And, umm, I-I, well I don't know."  
  
"Ugh! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you right now?"  
  
"Because I'm pretty?"  
  
"Not a very good reason!"  
  
Frieza began to charge up a ki blast.  
  
"Wait Lord Frieza! Dodoria gave me another idea."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"We go to Earth and put on a show!" (A/N: Damn Dodoria, he keeps giving them ideas and why do they always end up here?)  
  
"That a wonderful idea!"  
  
Frieza and Zarbon get the Ginyu Force and head to Earth.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
"Ahhh, this feels great to finally get away from that fucking lizard, Nappa."  
  
"Yeah, this is the life!"  
  
"There is no way we can see Frieza naked here."  
  
They both shudder when Vegeta mentions Frieza and naked.  
  
"What time does the show start?"  
  
"It said 10:00 p.m."  
  
"Ok."  
  
***  
  
It's a couple of hours later and Frieza, Zarbon and the Ginyu Force have landed on Earth. They fly to Las Vegas and find a casino to do their show in. The man says they already have a show on tonight and it's going to start in a few minutes. Frieza threatens the man to let them on or he'll kill him. The man agrees and goes on stage.  
  
"Umm, we have a change in our show, but I'm sure you still love it."  
  
Vegeta and Nappa walk in and sit down.  
  
"This better be good or I'm going to blow up this planet!"  
  
Some funky music comes on and Frieza walks out on the stage naked. Everyone watching throws up. Vegeta and Nappa run out of the casino screaming.  
  
"How the fuck did he get here?"  
  
"He's got to be following us."  
  
"I'm never going to get this blasted picture out of my head!"  
  
Vegeta and Nappa get in their pods and make some coffee.  
  
"I swear I will kill that fucking bastard!"  
  
Back at the casino…  
  
Frieza, Zarbon and the Ginyu Force are staring at an empty casino.  
  
"I didn't know humans could run so fast."  
  
"I guess they didn't like it."  
  
They all get in the ship and plan what to do next.  
  
***  
  
Woohoo! Did you like it? Please review, thanks *gives thumbs up* you guys rock! I'm running out of ideas, maybe that's a good thing, lol. If you have an idea of what they can do next, please tell me…thanks! 


	7. Phone Sex?

Woohoo. I came up with an idea. Actually my friend gave me this idea. We were talking online about how I was going to kill this stupid bitch and I said I should give her to Frieza and Zarbon as a whore. Then I dunno where this came from, but my friend said something about Frieza's phone sex. Now you know what happens next, I write this chapter. Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: Me: Hmm… something is supposed to go here. Cell: Umm…the disclaimer? Me: The what? Cell: The disclaimer, you know, I don't own DBZ? Me: Aww you poor thing. Its ok, I don't own DBZ either. Cell: *sweat drops* Forget it.  
  
***  
  
Frieza and Zarbon weren't happy with what happened in Las Vegas. They were sitting in a room trying to think of something they could do.  
  
"I'm sorry Lord Frieza, I can't think of anything."  
  
"It's ok Zarbon. I'm out of ideas too."  
  
Dodoria galloped into the room.  
  
"HI EVERYONE!"  
  
"Must you be so loud?"  
  
"Sorry."  
  
They all stared at each other.  
  
"Well, what is it that you want?"  
  
"Huh? Ohh, I was wondering if the phone lines were hooked up yet?"  
  
"How the fuck should I know! I don't own this ship…Oh wait yes I do."  
  
"Dodoria, I think they were put up yesterday."  
  
"Ok!"  
  
Dodoria ran out of the room and went to make prank phone calls.  
  
"I really think I should kill him. He gets on my nerves."  
  
"Lord Frieza, Dodoria gave me an idea!"  
  
"Huh? What's with him and giving you all these idea?"  
  
"I don't know, but my idea is that we can have a hotline. You know, and do phone sex."  
  
"That's a stupendous idea!"  
  
Zarbon and Frieza went to their rooms to find out their phone numbers.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Vegeta and Nappa are training once again.  
  
"If I see Frieza naked one more time, I will kill myself!"  
  
"I know. It's very disgusting."  
  
"I can't wait until I'm strong enough to kill him."  
  
"Now thanks to him it will take longer."  
  
"That fucking lizard will pay!"  
  
"Hey Vegeta. Did you hear they hooked up all the phone lines?"  
  
"Great! I really want to make some prank phone calls!"(A/N: I love pranking people!)  
  
"Can we do that when we finish training?"  
  
"Yeah, that sounds good."  
  
Back to Zarbon and Frieza…  
  
Zarbon and Frieza found out their phone numbers and are making fake e-mails saying that they have won something. Then they tell them to call either of these phone numbers to respond. (A/N: evil bastards!)  
  
"This is a great idea!"  
  
"Yes, yes it is!"  
  
They finish e-mailing everyone and wait by the phones.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Nappa is busy making prank calls. Vegeta is on his new computer that he had to buy since he blew up the old one. Vegeta signs online and checks his mail.  
  
E-mail: "Congratulations! You are a winner! Please call one of these two numbers so you can receive your prize."  
  
"Is you're refrigerator running?"  
  
"Hey Nappa!"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Get off the phone. I need to call to get some prize or something."  
  
"Ok, hang on…you better catch it! Hahahaha!"  
  
Nappa hangs up the phone and gives it to Vegeta. Vegeta dials the first number and waits.  
  
"Hello sexy."  
  
'Huh? That sounds like Frieza.'  
  
"Umm, hi?"  
  
"What's your name hottie. My name is Frieza and I'm all hot, sweaty and naked."  
  
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!"  
  
Vegeta drops the phone on the floor and clutches his head. He is seeing mental pictures of a sweaty naked Frieza. Nappa walks over and picks up the phone.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Ohh someone else. You're making me horny."  
  
'This sounds like Frieza.'  
  
"My name is Frieza and I'm all hot and naked."  
  
"NOO! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!"  
  
Nappa blew up the phone, then dropped onto his knees.  
  
"No. Mental picture!"  
  
They both sat and cried. Vegeta got up slowly and walked over to the coffee maker.  
  
*sniffle* "Looks like no training or sleep."  
  
"I hate him, I hate him!"  
  
"Stupid bastard. He will die!"  
  
Back to Frieza's quarters…  
  
"Hmm… that's strange. They hung up."  
  
"O well. This seems to be going ok."  
  
"Yeah, so far we had the Ginyu Force all call."  
  
"What do you think we should do next?"  
  
"Hmm…"  
  
They sat and thought of what to do next.  
  
***  
  
Ok! Did you like it? Please review, thanks so much *gives thumbs up* Ok, I'm definitely outta ideas now. If you have any please tell me *gives multiple thumbs up* Oh yeah and thanks to everyone who reviewed! 


	8. Play Alien Mansion

Woohoo! Ok, I'd like to thank Lilmissgoten for giving me this idea. *gives thumbs up* Thanks! And a big thanks to everyone who reviewed and who gave me ideas. I will be using them in the next couple of chapters! Spring break started yesterday so I will try and update more often.  
  
Disclaimer: *Playing video games with cell* Ohh take that cell! In your face! Cell: Ohh take that bitch…I think its time for the disclaimer. Me: Huh? Oh yeah the disclaimer, right. Why don't you say it this time? Cell: Fine. She doesn't own DBZ. *Goes back to playing video games*  
  
***  
  
Vegeta and Nappa have just landed on Earth.  
  
"Why the fuck are we coming here again?"  
  
"That stupid bastard lizard said we were looking for something called Dragon Balls."  
  
"Huh? Umm Prince Vegeta shouldn't they be between the dragon's legs?"  
  
*Hits Nappa on the back of the head* "Not those balls. Frieza said they are 7 little orange balls with stars on them."  
  
"Oh ok. They are supposed to be on this planet?"  
  
"Yes. Let's just hope that we don't see any nasty pictures of Frieza."  
  
They start their search for the Dragon Balls.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Frieza and Zarbon are sitting in a room thinking of what to do next.  
  
"Hmm…the phone sex didn't go as well as I thought."  
  
"Zarbon do you have any ideas?"  
  
"No."  
  
Dodoria comes into the room holding a t-shirt.  
  
"HELLO!"  
  
"I thought you went to Earth for vacation."  
  
"I did Lord Frieza. I'm back. I went to this sweet place called Play Boy Mansion."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"They have all these hot girls and stuff. I got this t-shirt."  
  
Dodoria holds up a white t-shirt with a black bunny on it.  
  
"That's nice. Now you can get the fuck out of here!"  
  
"Fine. You're always so mean! You big meanie!"  
  
"Ohh that one really hurt."  
  
Frieza formed a ki ball.  
  
"Say goodnight fat ass!"  
  
"Wait Lord Frieza!"  
  
"What now! Let me guess…Dodoria gave you an idea."  
  
"Yes. We can make a Play Alien mansion!"  
  
"Hmm…That's a great idea! Looks like Zarbon saved your ass again."  
  
Dodoria wipes a bead of sweat off his eyebrow and quickly runs out of the room.  
  
"Ok. Now where to build this mansion?" (A/N: Hmm…good question, I wonder where.)  
  
"Hmm…how about the planet Earth. They are the most populated."  
  
"Yes great." (A/N: gee, I didn't see that one coming.)  
  
Zarbon, Frieza and the Ginyu Force get in a ship and head to Earth.  
  
***  
  
It's 3 hours later and they have landed in California. (A/N: Sorry to whoever lives there, but since they are there that makes them on the west instead of the east. Woohoo! I'm saved.) Frieza hires a bunch of people to build the Play Alien mansion. They soon finish and Zarbon begins to advertise. Of course he lies and tells the people that it's a candy factory.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
"Hey Vegeta. Did you hear about the candy factory that just opened?"  
  
"Yes. What about it?"  
  
"Can we please go there?"  
  
"Nappa we have to look for the Dragon Balls."  
  
Nappa got on his hands and knees.  
  
"PLEASE!!"  
  
"Ok fine. Get up. We can go to the candy factory."  
  
"HURRAY!"  
  
Vegeta and Nappa fly to California and get directions to the 'candy factory'.  
  
Meanwhile at Play Alien Mansion…  
  
"Ok. Now we the people come I want you over there and you guys over here."  
  
"Ok."  
  
They get everything set up and wait for people to show up. Vegeta and Nappa arrive first because they flew there.  
  
"This is a weird looking candy factory."  
  
"Who cares! Let's go in!"  
  
"Ok. Calm down."  
  
Vegeta goes to the window to look in.  
  
"I wonder if anyone is inside."  
  
They both look through the glass and see Frieza, Zarbon and the Ginyu Force all naked.  
  
"Holy snizzle!"  
  
"Fuck! Not again!"  
  
Nappa and Vegeta run as fast as they can. They finally stop.  
  
"How the fuck did they get here?"  
  
"I have no clue. I can't believe this!"  
  
Vegeta and Nappa head to a hotel and get a room. Vegeta makes sure the room comes with a coffee maker.  
  
"Looks like no sleeping for awhile."  
  
"Stupid fucking bastard will pay!"  
  
"It's even worse now because Zarbon and the Ginyu Force were there!"  
  
They both shudder and drink some coffee.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Frieza and Zarbon are wondering why everyone left so quickly.  
  
"I guess they didn't like this."  
  
"Hmm…what should we do now."  
  
"Well this is a good idea so lets not end now."  
  
"What are you thinking Zarbon?"  
  
"Well…we can make Play Alien merchandise. Like shirts, dolls, postcards things like that."  
  
"That's a wonderful idea!"  
  
Zarbon and Frieza write down their ideas.  
  
***  
  
Ok that was chapter 8. Woohoo I wasn't expecting to write so many chapters when I first put this up. Did you guys like it? Please review *Gives thumbs up* Thanks so much! I've got the next 2 chapters planed out so expect them soon. Ja ne! 


	9. Frieza Dolls?

Woohoo! Happy Easter everyone! Ok, I'd like to give a big thanks to Angela Giovanni and Impossible and anyone else who suggested some kind of merchandise *gives thumbs up*. Also a big thanks to everyone who reviewed…very hilarious reviews guys! I have many chapters in my head thanks to all your suggestions so thanks so much! Hope you enjoy this! Heh, I'm really hyper.  
  
Disclaimer: *Watching the History of Trunks on video* Me: *looks surprised* Gohan's dead! *Starts crying uncontrollably* Poor Trunks! Cell: *slaps forehead* She's watched that video 100,000,000,000,000,000,000 times and she acts like she's never seen it before. Me: Shut up…It's sad *sniffle* I don't own DBZ…I love you Trunks, you can come stay with me and I'll make you feel better *starts drooling* Cell: *gets a pot and places it under me* How come you don't drool for me? Me: You're not hot like Trunks.  
  
***  
  
Vegeta and Nappa are still on Earth looking for the dragon balls. Both are still traumatized by the nasty things they saw at Play Alien Mansion.  
  
"I will kill them all!"  
  
"Yes. Those fucking bastards!"  
  
"I think I'm going to go insane!"  
  
"I need to sleep!"  
  
"I get so hyper after drinking so much coffee."  
  
"Me too."  
  
They continue their search in Florida.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Zarbon and Frieza are laughing and discussing what type of products they are going to sell.  
  
"Hmm… I think we should make dolls. Like have a little me that wears a nice, purple silk robe."  
  
"Yes. That's a good idea Lord Frieza. We should make postcards and stationary. Also we should make shirts."  
  
"Yes that sounds interesting."  
  
They find someone who will make their merchandise. He makes mass quantities of stuff and Zarbon and Frieza sell it to companies. One of the companies happened to be Target. (A/N: Oh no, not my beloved Target. Actually I never really went there.)  
  
Back on planet earth…  
  
"Vegeta, maybe they sell dragon balls."  
  
"Maybe, but then wouldn't everyone have one?"  
  
"Yeah, but it's worth a try."  
  
"Ok I guess we can try."  
  
Vegeta and Nappa fly looking for store. They just happen to come upon a Target.  
  
"This looks good."  
  
They walk into the store.  
  
"Mommy I want a Frieza doll!"  
  
"I'm sorry, but I don't like the way that doll is dressed. Why not get a Barbie?"  
  
"Barbie's are stupid and they aren't super strong, see." *points to back of the Frieza doll box* "It says that right here."  
  
"Fine we can buy it."  
  
Nappa and Vegeta just looked at each other.  
  
"Did that little brat just say Frieza doll?"  
  
"I think so."  
  
All of a sudden a bunch of little girls come running by.  
  
"Grr…stupid brats!"  
  
Vegeta and Nappa follow them to see what all the commotion was about. The kids lead them to a big pile of other girls who are all kicking and screaming.  
  
"I got a doll!"  
  
"I saw it first!"  
  
"Look at this doll…it's blue with green hair. He's so handsome!"  
  
Vegeta thought for a minute.  
  
'Don't I know someone who's blue and has green hair?'  
  
Finally all the girls left and Vegeta went to see what they were all fighting about. They walk over and pick up a box.  
  
"Oh my Kami! NO!"  
  
Vegeta blasts the boxes.  
  
"Those poor fucking kids!"  
  
Vegeta and Nappa run into another isle. This isle happens to have postcards and stationary.  
  
"Ahh! Frieza's on a postcard!"  
  
Nappa blows up the rack of postcards and they run into a girl. She drops the shirt she was holding.  
  
"Hey! Watch where you're going!"  
  
"Huh? Oh umm…sorry?"  
  
Vegeta picks up the shirt and looks at it.  
  
"What the fuck!"  
  
On the shirt is a picture of Frieza, Zarbon and the Ginyu Force blowing kisses. Vegeta blasts the shirt.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Nappa we need to get the fuck out of here!"  
  
They power up and fly the hell out of the store.  
  
"This is the worst! They have shirts and dolls!"  
  
"The poor kids are going to be traumatized!"  
  
"Stupid fucking asshole!"  
  
Vegeta and Nappa go back to the hotel and make some coffee.  
  
"One day they will die, Nappa, one day."  
  
***  
  
Frieza and Zarbon were very pleased with the sales.  
  
"This is working out very well!"  
  
"Yes it is Lord Frieza."  
  
"What should we do next?"  
  
"Hmm…how about we open up a strip club?"  
  
"Excellent!"  
  
***  
  
*Looks at Easter basket* Hmm…DBZ stickers, candy and HOLY SNIZZLE! IT"S A FRIEZA DOLL! AHHH! LOL. Did you guys enjoy this chapter? Please review thanks! *Gives thumbs up* Woohoo…I'm never going into Target. At least it was in Florida and not New Jersey. 


	10. Play Alien Strip Club

Woot! Ok…I'd like to thank Friezas Girl, H4L (too lazy to write out ur whole name) and anyone else who said something about a strip club and thanks to everyone who reviewed! *Gives thumbs up* You guys rock!  
  
Disclaimer: *snoring* Cell: Ugh *kicks chair* Me: Huh what? Cell: You were sleeping. Me: I wasn't sleeping. I was in deep meditation. Cell: Uh huh…sure you were. Anyway it's time for the disclaimer. Me: Ok. I don't own DBZ.  
  
***  
  
Frieza and Zarbon were extremely pleased with their sales and continued to make products. Now they are moving on to their strip club.  
  
"Lord Frieza, our pods are ready to head to Earth."  
  
"Excellent."  
  
Frieza and Zarbon get in the pods and head to someplace on Earth. (A/N: Please not New Jersey!)  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
"Shit! Nappa I can't find these stupid balls anywhere!"  
  
"I know this is so fucking annoying!"  
  
"At least I can concentrate now. Stupid naked Frieza and his stupid merchandise."  
  
"I can't believe this humans were actually buying their stuff. Not only are this earthlings weak but they are also stupid." (A/N: Look who's talking Nappa.)  
  
Vegeta and Nappa continue their search in Las Vegas. (A/N: I hope no one lives there because where there's Nappa and Vegeta there will be Frieza.)  
  
***  
  
Zarbon and Frieza have landed on Earth and fly to Las Vegas. (A/N: I guess they didn't get it the first time they were here.)  
  
"I hope we have better luck this time."  
  
"Yes. Last time they flew out of here."  
  
Frieza has someone build the strip club. Of course they name it Play Alien. Zarbon and Frieza go and pick out their outfits.  
  
***  
  
"Nappa, I think I'm going insane!"  
  
"Maybe we should relax. I heard that a new strip club opened up."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes. It's somewhere near where we went on vacation."  
  
"Hopefully it has nothing to do with Frieza."  
  
Nappa and Vegeta fly in search of the new strip club.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
"I think they will like it this time."  
  
"Me too Lord Frieza."  
  
This time they hired a bunch of women to do stuff along with them.  
  
Vegeta and Nappa land outside of the new strip club and walk inside. They sit up in the front.  
  
"Did you happen to catch the name of this place?"  
  
"No."  
  
They wait and finally some girls come out on stage.  
  
"Thank kami. I thought Frieza was going to come out."  
  
As soon as Vegeta said that Zarbon and Frieza walked out in robes and began to strip.  
  
"I think I'm going to be sick."  
  
"Holy shit!"  
  
Vegeta and Nappa run out of the strip club.  
  
"Arg! Mental pictures!"  
  
"Fuck! I can't take this anymore!"  
  
Vegeta formed a ki ball in his hand.  
  
"Prince Vegeta don't do it! It's not worth it! If you die, who's going to kill Frieza?"  
  
"For once you're right Nappa."  
  
They head to a hotel and make some coffee.  
  
"Looks like we'll have to call off the search for now."  
  
"Stupid fucking lizard! He will pay. I mean that."  
  
Back at the strip club…  
  
"Well at least some people stayed."  
  
"Hey it's better than last time."  
  
Frieza and Zarbon head back to the mother ship and think of what to do next.  
  
***  
  
LOL. Did you guys like this chapter? Kinda short but then again all my chapters are. Please review thanks! *Gives thumbs up* You guys are awesome!! The next chapter should be up by Saturday. 


	11. Steaking

Woohoo! It's chapter 11…wow. Thanks to Rev. Vampyre for this idea. Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I have over 70 reviews so far. You guys rock! *Gives thumbs up* Defafaeth Mechqua- I'm trying to make some songs for Frieza and Zarbon to sing. Perhaps they should make a CD. Heh heh…I think I have a problem with putting Frieza in my stories. He has just entered the 4th chapter in my story Badminton Nets Are Evil.  
  
Disclaimer: *playing with stuffed goat named Cool Beans* Me: Oh Cool Beans, you are such an awesome goat! Cell: It's time for the disclaimer. Me: Already? Cell: Yes. Me: I have an idea…how about Cool Beans says the disclaimer. Cell: *sweat drop* Well, um…you see…Cool Beans isn't real. He can't talk. Me: *sniffle* Cool Beans is so real and he's saying the disclaimer!  
  
Cool Beans: Baa baa baa baa baa. :: Translation- Jessica doesn't own DBZ :: Cell: Well I'll be, Cool Beans can talk!  
  
***  
  
"Fuck this Nappa! I can't take this anymore!"  
  
"Stupid fucking Frieza!"  
  
"What state haven't we been in yet? The dragon balls aren't anywhere."  
  
"Well…we've only been in a couple of states. It says here that there are 50 states."  
  
"50!"  
  
"Yes. Why don't we try this one? Its called Illinois"  
  
"Sounds good to me."  
  
Nappa and Vegeta fly to Illinois in search for the dragon balls.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
"Zarbon, this isn't working out as well as we thought."  
  
All of a sudden Dodoria comes running through the room naked.  
  
"Weeee…look at me I'm naked!"  
  
"Dodoria what the fuck is your problem?"  
  
"Weee…sugar is yummy! Bow down to Naked Man!"  
  
"Lord Frieza, he appears to be on a sugar high."  
  
"Stupid idiot."  
  
Dodoria runs back out of the room.  
  
"Dodoria gave me an idea."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Perhaps we could streak."  
  
"Streak?"  
  
"Yes, like run naked through a busy place where there are a lot of people."  
  
"Wonderful!"  
  
"We would have to run slow because they won't see us if we run at our normal speed."  
  
"Yes, great idea Zarbon!"  
  
"I'll go get a pod ready to head to Earth."  
  
***  
  
Zarbon and Frieza land in Illinois. (A/N: I send my sympathies to anyone who lives there.) They land somewhere that's highly populated.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Vegeta and Nappa are in Illinois looking for the dragon balls.  
  
"Nappa, I think we picked a bad spot."  
  
"Yeah I know. Look at all these people."  
  
"Hey Nappa look over there!"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Nappa turns his head and looks at what Vegeta was pointing to.  
  
"Holy snizzle! It's a dragon ball!"  
  
"Shut up! Someone might try and take it. Act natural."  
  
Vegeta and Nappa calmly walk over to the dragon ball. Vegeta bends down and picks it up.  
  
"Haha! It's the 4 star one."  
  
"Wow…it's so pretty and orange."  
  
All of a sudden a bunch of people scream. Vegeta and Nappa look over and see Zarbon and Frieza naked, running down the sidewalk. Everyone drops what they are holding and upchucks their lunch. Vegeta and Nappa just stare at them.  
  
"H-how the fuck did they get here!"  
  
"I don't know. All I know is I'm going to be sick!"  
  
Children cry and old ladies scream at the horror they just saw. Everyone gets on their hands and knees and grabs their heads.  
  
"Ahh! I've been blinded!"  
  
"Please, someone kill me now!"  
  
Vegeta and Nappa get up and fly to a hotel.  
  
"Fuck!"  
  
Nappa goes to make some coffee.  
  
"Well we only have 6 more to go."  
  
"I will never get this nasty picture out of my head!"  
  
***  
  
"Zarbon that was fun!"  
  
"Let's go somewhere else and streak!"  
  
"Yes let's."  
  
Frieza and Zarbon fly to North Carolina. (A/N: I'm terribly sorry!) They find a beach and run through it naked.  
  
"Ahh! My eyes!"  
  
"Oh no sweetie don't look!"  
  
"Mommy! I want my mommy!"  
  
"Please stop! Make them stop!"  
  
"For the love of God!"  
  
"No! Go away! Ahh!"  
  
Zarbon and Frieza fly to Washington. (A/N: Sorry again) They run through a busy street. The sight makes cars stop, causing accidents and pileups.  
  
"Holy mother of pearl! The horror, the horror!"  
  
"Sweet Jesus and all that's good!"  
  
Everyone covers their eyes and hopes the streakers leave soon.  
  
***  
  
"Wow Zarbon! I haven't had this much fun in ages!"  
  
"Shall we go to one more place?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
They fly to Pennsylvania (A/N: Gomen!) and of course, find a busy place. They streak through Hershey Park.  
  
"Jesus Mary and Joseph! Cover your eyes kids!"  
  
"What the fuck! Ahh, that's fucking nasty!"  
  
"Mental pictures! Make them go away!"  
  
"I've been traumatized!"  
  
***  
  
"Well Zarbon, that's enough fun for one day."  
  
"Yes. Let's head back to the mother ship and plan what to do next."  
  
"Yes."  
  
Frieza and Zarbon get in the pod and head home.  
  
***  
  
Arg! *Clutches head* Mental pictures! Again, I'm terribly sorry to everyone who lives in any of those places. Woohoo…did you like this chapter? Please review! Thanks! *Gives thumbs up* I have no idea when the next chapter will be up, gotta go back to school Monday. Bleh, I hate school! 


	12. Prostitutes

Woohoo! It's chapter 12! Thanks to Rev. Vampyre for this idea, that's two in a row. Thanks to everyone that reviewed! Oh wow…I got my first bad review from Frieza's Wife. I have a question, why bother reviewing if you don't like the story? Hope you guys like this chapter! And now to say some things:  
  
Everyone who asked about Frieza already being naked: I have no clue. I mean he does look naked. I'd ask him, but he might strip for me.  
  
Tom the Mighty: Thanks for saying something about this being PG. I didn't even notice the rating…it's more of a PG-13. I have no idea how I thought of some many ideas. The last couple of chapters had ideas from my loyal fans.  
  
Saiyajin Gaki: Funny that you said something about Kansas because in the last chapter I was going to have them streak in Kansas too…then I decided I've traumatized enough people.  
  
Corinne: Woot! You're my first friend to review my story! Go you! *Sniffle* You're the greatest friend I have just because you reviewed my story. Bohemian Jessica is now in 2nd. Maybe if she read this story she'd be tied with you. Woot Woot! Thanks!  
  
Lilmissgoten: Hey! That super bowl idea was good. That just may come into play sooner or later. Thanks!  
  
Disclaimer: Cell: Get your ass over here it's time for the disclaimer! Me: But Trunks is on TV! Cell: *Walks over, picks me up and places me in computer chair* Type! Me: *scratches head* Um… Cell: Don't tell me you forgot. Me: Oh yeah! Don't try this at home. Cell: Not that type of disclaimer! Me: Sorry I had a Goku moment. Cell: No kidding. Me: I don't own DBZ.  
  
***  
  
Frieza and Zarbon were sitting in a room thinking.  
  
"Any ideas Zarbon?"  
  
"Not yet."  
  
"Where's fat ass when you need him?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Dodoria comes walking into the room. He's wearing a pink flower dress and has balloons for boobs. He also is wearing high-heels and a blonde wig.  
  
"Dodoria what's you major malfunction!?"  
  
*Speaking in a high squeaky voice* "Nothing's the matter sire."  
  
"Then why the fuck are you dressed like a female?"  
  
*Still speaking in high squeaky voice* "Well…I-I just thought I'd try something different."  
  
"Get out now before I blast your big ass to hell!"  
  
Dordoria does a hair flip and walks out of the room.  
  
"Can you believe this retard. Dressing like a woman…what stupid idea."  
  
"Lord Frieza I have an idea."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"We can be like prostitutes. You know…dress like woman, stand on a street corner and wait for guys."  
  
"Wonderful! Dressing like women, what a great idea." (A/N: contradicting yourself much?)  
  
Zarbon and Frieza fly to Earth.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Somewhere in Massachusetts Vegeta and Nappa were searching for the remaining dragon balls.  
  
"Nappa, I still have that horrible picture of Frieza and Zarbon in my head."  
  
"Me too. I'm so stressed out."  
  
"Yeah. This stress is making me crazy. Why don't we head to a bar and get a few drinks."  
  
"Sure why not."  
  
Vegeta and Nappa fly to a bar. They each order a beer.  
  
"This will make us forget all our troubles."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
***  
  
Frieza and Zarbon have landed on Earth. They fly to Massachusetts (A/N: I'm sorry if anyone lives there) and find a store to shop in.  
  
"I really like this."  
  
Frieza held up a short tank top with an incredibly short skirt.  
  
"Try it on."  
  
Frieza went in the changing room and came back out.  
  
"I'm not so sure. Does it make me look fat?"  
  
"Oh no Lord Frieza. It outlines your curves perfectly." (A/N: *clutches head* mental pictures already!)  
  
Frieza smiled and went to look for a wig. Zarbon finally found an outfit he liked and went to help Frieza.  
  
"Should I be a blonde or a brunette?"  
  
"Hmm…I'd go with blonde."  
  
Frieza and Zarbon get all the other stuff they need, like makeup, and blow up the store. They find a hotel and get ready.  
  
Back at the bar…  
  
"Give me another beer!"  
  
"Um sir I-I think you've had enough."  
  
"Damn it! I'll tell you when I've had enough!"  
  
The bartender quickly got Vegeta another beer.  
  
"Here you go sir."  
  
"That's better!"  
  
100 beers later…  
  
"Hey Nappa…did I ever tell you that you have a great body?"  
  
"No man."  
  
"Well you do."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I love you man!"  
  
"I love you too man."  
  
Nappa and Vegeta hug for a long time.  
  
"Vegeta you're like a son to me."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I love you man!"  
  
"I love you too man!"  
  
Vegeta and Nappa hug again.  
  
***  
  
Frieza and Zarbon are ready and they are waiting on a corner by their hotel.  
  
"It's so dark I can hardly see anything."  
  
"Yeah it is dark. Damn this fake eyelashes keep bothering me."  
  
***  
  
Nappa and Vegeta finally stop hugging each other and stumble out of the bar.  
  
"I haven't fucked anyone in a long time."  
  
"Me neither. Who turned out the lights?"  
  
"I don't know. Where are we?"  
  
"Umm…outside somewhere. I need another beer."  
  
"Can't go back in we got kicked out remember?"  
  
"Kinda."  
  
"Hey Nappa look at those two hot chicks."  
  
Vegeta just happened to be pointing at Frieza and Zarbon. If he wasn't so drunk, he never would have done that. (A/N: Remember, alcohol clouds your judgment. You just might end up in bed with Frieza if you drink too much.)  
  
"Hey yeah they are hot."  
  
Vegeta and Nappa crossed the street and walked over to Frieza and Zarbon.  
  
"Hey sexy."  
  
*Frieza is speaking in a high pitched voice* "Hi there. Oh my you are buff aren't you."  
  
"Hey sweetheart. My you have nice pretty hair."  
  
*Zarbon is also speaking in a high pitched voice* "Ohh my…you sure are muscular. Say why don't you two come up to our room."  
  
"Sure."  
  
They all go up to Frieza and Zarbon's room.  
  
***  
  
Vegeta wakes up and looks around.  
  
"Damn I feel like I've been hit by truck. Where am I?"  
  
Vegeta looks and sees Frieza sleeping next to him.  
  
"What the fuck! Why is he in my bed!"  
  
Frieza turns in his sleep.  
  
'Stay calm Vegeta. Don't wake them up.'  
  
Vegeta walks into the next room and sees Nappa and Zarbon in the same bed.  
  
"Holy shit."  
  
Vegeta walks over to Nappa and wakes him up.  
  
"Nappa wake up and remain calm."  
  
Nappa opens his eyes and is about to scream, but Vegeta covers his mouth.  
  
"Hush! We must get out of here quickly and quietly."  
  
They put some clothes on and run out of the hotel.  
  
"Now we can scream."  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
Vegeta got on his hands and knees.  
  
"Kami please tell me I didn't sleep with Frieza! Please!"  
  
"Oh my Kami! I need to die now!"  
  
"Nappa do you remember anything from last night?"  
  
"All I remember is going into a bar."  
  
"Shit! We must have got so drunk that we slept with Frieza and Zarbon!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!"  
  
"This is so horrible!"  
  
"AH!"  
  
They both find another hotel, shower, and make a lot of coffee.  
  
"This is by far the worse thing that's happened!"  
  
"I can't believe this. I am never drinking ever again!"  
  
"Same here!"  
  
***  
  
Frieza and Zarbon both woke up.  
  
"Hmm…where'd they go?"  
  
"I have no idea. Did you happen to see their faces Lord Frieza?"  
  
"No. They did seem kinda familiar."  
  
"Yeah they did. Oh well…this worked out pretty well."  
  
"Yes, yes it did."  
  
"I wonder what we should do next?"  
  
They sit in their beds and think.  
  
***  
  
Woohoo. That was pretty sick…o well. Did you like this chapter? Please review thanks! *Gives thumbs up* You know what sucks…I don't have any friends that watch DBZ. That blows majorly. Ok, I have no idea when the next chapter will be up…I have CCD Wednesday, then I have Confirmation practice Thursday, Friday and Monday, then I have my confirmation on Tuesday. I guess it will be up this weekend. 


	13. The Jenny Jones Show

Woot! Ok this is chapter 13. I thought of this idea last night because I couldn't sleep. Hope you guys like it! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I have 100 reviews! You guys rock my socks! Now to say some things again:  
  
Katherine: Hey thanks for the idea about the chibi Frieza fic. I think I shall write one, so expect it soon.  
  
Kyro: Thanks for the idea about interviewing Cell. I'm writing it after I write this chapter. Me and Cell go way back *Cell scratches head* Um…no we don't. *Laughs nervously and elbows Cell* Uh yes we do, heh heh.  
  
Sawnya: Yeah Dodoria probably has boobs, but he wanted nice firm one *Grabs head* mental pictures!  
  
Rev. Vampyre: Thanks for the sex shop idea. I think I will have that in one of my chapters. LOL back up dancers for Michael Jackson! That's a good one  
  
Kamehameha AKA Dark Saiyajin: *Sniffle* you think I'm the koolest author? Yea! You even gave me a thumbs up! Woohoo! You rock!  
  
Disclaimer: *stares at computer* Cell: Jessica, are you ok? Me:… Cell: *waves hand in front of my face* Me:… Cell: Ka…meha…me… Me: Ahh! *Jumps out of chair and hides* Cell: *puts hands down* it's not ahh, it's ha. Me: haha very funny. Why did you do that? Cell: It's time for the disclaimer. Me: *climbs out of hiding spot* I don't own DBZ. Cell: She also doesn't own the Jenny Jones Show. Me: *folds arms and pouts* I'm mad at you! Cell: Fine, fine. I'm sorry. Me: Really? Cell: Yes. Me: Huzzah! *Hugs Cell*  
  
***  
  
Vegeta and Nappa are in the hotel room, lying in bed. They both don't want to go outside because their skin is all wrinkled from taking so many showers.  
  
"I still can't believe I slept with Frieza and you slept with Zarbon. I am completely traumatized."  
  
"I still think we smell like their cheap perfume."  
  
"Yeah well we've taken like a million showers. Look at what we did to our skin."  
  
Vegeta lifts up a wrinkled hand.  
  
"Yeah you're right. Hand me some more lotion."  
  
"Earth's daytime TV better be good."  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Zarbon and Frieza are sitting in a room, trying to think of something to do.  
  
"Well could always…no never mind."  
  
"How about we…forget it."  
  
"What else can we do?"  
  
Dodoria comes into the room dressed like a slut.  
  
"What the fuck?"  
  
"Whatever! Whatever! You don't know me! Shut up!"  
  
"Zarbon what the fuck is wrong with him?"  
  
"I think he's been watching too much daytime TV. He probably saw some kind of talk show."  
  
"Ok…"  
  
"Don't go hating on me! Appreciate, don't playa hate, congratulate!"  
  
"GET THE FUCK OUT!"  
  
"Fine. You're just jealous because I'm all that and a bag of chips. Mmmhmm."  
  
Dodoria walks out the door. Frieza sighs and puts his head in his hands.  
  
"Lord Frieza I have a wonderful idea."  
  
"Did you get it from Dodoria?"  
  
"Yes. Ok…we go to Earth and go on one of those talk shows."  
  
"Beautiful idea!"  
  
Frieza and Zarbon get in a pod and fly to earth.  
  
***  
  
Frieza and Zarbon land on Earth and fly to Chicago. (A/N: sorry sorry.) They find the studio where the Jenny Jones Show is filmed. They talk to people and are scheduled to be on tomorrow's show.  
  
***  
  
It's the next day and Frieza and Zarbon are getting ready.  
  
"This is a wonderful idea Zarbon!"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Vegeta and Nappa are still in their beds. Vegeta picks up the remote and turns the TV on.  
  
"Hmm…do you know any talk shows that are on?"  
  
"I think there is one on channel 9."  
  
"Ok."  
  
Back at the Jenny Jones Show…  
  
"Today we have wild out of control teens who strip."  
  
Audience makes surprised noises.  
  
"Yes and they strip because their mothers do."  
  
Audience gasps.  
  
"Our first guest is a 14 year old girl named Amber. Amber has had sex over 20 times and strips every night. She even quit school."  
  
A 14-year-old with brown hair walks out on the stage wearing a short skirt and a tight top.  
  
"Amber why do you do these things?"  
  
"Cause my mom does 'em. I drink an smoke weed. I do whateva I want."  
  
Audience boos.  
  
"Shut up! Shut the (Beep) up!"  
  
"Alright lets calm down. You do these things because you're mom does them."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"How much money do you make striping?"  
  
"Like 1,000 bucks every night."  
  
"$1,000?"  
  
"Uh yeah."  
  
"Okay let's bring out Amber mother, Peaches."  
  
An ugly 40 year old woman walks out onto the stage. The audience boos.  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
"Peaches you allow your daughter to dress like this, quit school, strip and do drugs."  
  
"Yeah why not? Yous all do the same thang!"  
  
"No we wouldn't. You shouldn't let a 14 year old do these things."  
  
Audience yeahs at the people.  
  
"Ok. We'll get back to you. Now for our next guest we have a 13-year-old named Freesia. (A/N: They disguised their names) Freesia does drugs, drinks, strips and has had sex over 40 times. Freesia's mother, Zara does it along with her."  
  
Audience makes astonished sounds.  
  
"Let's bring out Freesia and her mother Zara!"  
  
Frieza and Zarbon walk out onto the stage. Frieza high-fives Amber. Audience boos.  
  
"Shut up! Shut up! You don't know me! (Beep) off!"  
  
"Zara you allow your 13 year old to do all these things?"  
  
"Yes. I do them too so why shouldn't she?"  
  
***  
  
Vegeta and Nappa were staring at the TV.  
  
"Is that Zarbon and Frieza?"  
  
"I have no idea."  
  
***  
  
Audience member raises hand. Jenny walks over.  
  
"Yes, who do you have a question for?"  
  
"I have a question for Zara and Freesia…you both strip."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Who the (Beep) would pay money to see you two. You are the ugliest things I've ever seen. They probably pay money for you to put you're clothes back on!"  
  
Audience claps.  
  
Frieza forms a ki ball.  
  
"I'd take that back if I were you!"  
  
The man gulps.  
  
"I-I'm sorry. I was um talking to Amber and Peaches! Yeah that's it. Um why don't you two strip now because you have such great bodies."  
  
Audience nods heads.  
  
Frieza and Zarbon smile at each other and begin to strip. Everyone in the studio throws up and runs out of the studio.  
  
Everywhere TV's are being shut off except for one TV. This TV was blown up…  
  
"Fuck! Nappa this can't be happening!"  
  
"This is so not fair! This is so fucking wrong!"  
  
"They are everywhere, shit!"  
  
Nappa and Vegeta pull the covers up and cry. Nappa climbs out of bed and makes some coffee.  
  
"I will kill that fucking lizard if it's the last thing I do!"  
  
***  
  
"There go my ratings! I quit!"  
  
Jenny walks out of the studio. Frieza and Zarbon shrug and fly back to the pod.  
  
"I wonder what we should do next?"  
  
***  
  
Woot! Did you guys like this chapter? Please review! Thanks *Gives thumbs up* Woot! The next chapter will be up…umm well I don't know. Look for some more of my stories that I am writing soon. Such as Chibi Frieza Goes to School…it will explain why Frieza and Zarbon like to strip…well kinda. Also check for my interview with Cell…that should be up soon! Peace! 


	14. World's Strongest Contest

Woot! Chapter 14!! Ohh yeah!! Wow I haven't updated like I normally do…you can thank my so-called friends for that. Geez life sucks badly. Anyway…Thanks for the reviews and thumbs up, they cheered me up! Yea! Thanks to Rev. for the smiling Satan, that was so cool! Thanks to Chibi Shojo for this idea. You guys rule muchly!  
  
Disclaimer: Cell: *wearing a blonde wig and has blue contacts in* I don't own DBZ. Me: Nice try Cell. Too bad you didn't fool anyone. Cell: Why I have a wig on and contacts in. Me: I don't have green skin and I'm not 7 feet tall AND I don't talk like a guy! Cell: Heh, oh yeah I forgot about that Me: *sweat drop*  
  
***  
  
Vegeta and Nappa were almost recovered from last time.  
  
"I can't believe this!"  
  
"Me neither. How many fucking times have we seen them naked?"  
  
"13 fucking times! That too many Nappa."  
  
"I agree."  
  
"We will not see them anymore. I don't think I can handle this much more."  
  
"The nakedness is driving me crazy!"  
  
"Were should we look next?"  
  
"Hmm…how about Louisiana. (A/N: You can thank my dad for that one. I asked him to pick a state and he picked that one. I'm sure he's sorry for the people that live there)  
  
"Sounds good to me."  
  
They flew off in search of the dragon balls.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
"Lord Frieza, do you have any ideas?"  
  
"No. Do you have any ideas?"  
  
"No, do you?"  
  
"No do you?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Me neither."  
  
"Ahh I can't take it anymore! We need an idea!"  
  
"Calm down Lord Frieza, I'm sure we'll think of something."  
  
"Ok."  
  
'Come on Dodoria. Where the fuck are you?'  
  
"Where is that fat retard?"  
  
"I don't know. He's usually in here by now."  
  
They waited a few more minutes.  
  
"That's it! Where is he?"  
  
"Maybe we should go find him."  
  
Frieza and Zarbon went to Dodoria's room. Frieza blasted down the door and saw Dodoria staring at the TV.  
  
"Dodoria!"  
  
"…"  
  
"He appears to be in some kind of trance."  
  
"Frieza walked over and kicked Dodoria in the…well you know where.  
  
"OUCH!"  
  
"Dodoria! What the hell where you doing?"  
  
"Ow ow ow ow ow ow…"  
  
"Answer my question or I'll kick you again!"  
  
Dodoria winced.  
  
"I was watching a contest where these guys compete and they win these hot girls."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Lord Frieza I've got an idea!"  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"We go to Earth, hold a contest, the prize is a free strip show, we have 2 girls that are the fake prize, then we strip for the winners." (A/N: Holy snizzle! Stupid Zarbon and stupid Dodoria! Poor people!)  
  
"Wow did you say that all in one breath Zarbon?"  
  
"Shut up Dodoria. Wonderful idea Zarbon!"  
  
Zarbon and Frieza got in a pod and headed to Earth.  
  
***  
  
Vegeta and Nappa were in Louisiana.  
  
"Boy it's really hot."  
  
"Yeah it is. Oh my Kami and all that's good! Vegeta you're red!"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Vegeta look at his arms. He touched them.  
  
"Ouch! Fuck I must have gotten sun burn."  
  
Vegeta looked up at Nappa.  
  
"Hahahahahaha!"  
  
"What's so funny?"  
  
"You're bald spot is red too! Haha!"  
  
Nappa touched the top of his head.  
  
"Ow! Fuck!"  
  
***  
  
Frieza and Zarbon landed on Earth, in a place called Louisiana. (A/N: Who saw that one coming?)  
  
"Zarbon you start advertising. I'll find some girls and some other things."  
  
"Ok."  
  
Zarbon began to advertise. He was holding a 'World's Strongest Contest'. Frieza went to a strip club and found two girls.  
  
***  
  
"Hey Vegeta?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Did you hear about that world's strongest contest?"  
  
"No."  
  
"The 5 out of 50 contestants will win a free strip show and 1st, 2nd and 3rd place win a dragon ball!"  
  
"We have to enter. We'll definitely win. These humans are weaklings."  
  
Vegeta and Nappa flew off to the contest. The qualification round was about to start. They quickly signed up.  
  
"This is going to be a piece of cake."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Vegeta and Nappa easily made it into the top 50. The next round would narrow it down to 20 people. They had to see how much they could lift. Vegeta walked up and easily lifted up 500 pounds with his index finger. Nappa did the same. Everyone was amazed by their strength.  
  
"Wow these humans can barely lift up 500 pounds. That's sad."  
  
"Yeah it is."  
  
Next they were going to narrow it down to 10 people. Vegeta and Nappa made it, of course. They were finally on the last round. Vegeta came in 1st and Nappa came in 2nd.  
  
"Yes, now we have 3 dragon balls."  
  
"Yes! How are we going to get that guy's dragon ball?"  
  
"Watch and learn Nappa."  
  
Vegeta walked over the guy who came in 3rd.  
  
"Hi there. Oh you won one of those too. They are a piece of shit. They don't do anything. I'll throw it out for you."  
  
"No thanks. My daughter would like it."  
  
"Come on, give it to me. I'll trade you something for it."  
  
"What will you trade me?"  
  
Vegeta reached into his pocket, pulled his fist out and punched the man in the face. He picked up the dragon ball.  
  
"Hahaha nice work Vegeta!"  
  
"Now we only need 3 more."  
  
Vegeta and Nappa were led into a strip club for their free strip show.  
  
"Wow it's really dark in here."  
  
"Oh well."  
  
The sat back in their chairs and waited. Some funky music came on.  
  
"This music sound some what familiar."  
  
"Yes it does."  
  
Frieza and Zarbon walked on the stage and began to strip.  
  
"No!"  
  
"Ahh I'm blind!"  
  
All 5 contestants ran out of the strip club at amazing speeds.  
  
"Shit shit shit!"  
  
"I can't fucking believe this!"  
  
"That's 14 fucking times!"  
  
"This is not fucking fair! What did we do to deserve this?"  
  
Vegeta and Nappa flew to a hotel and made some coffee.  
  
"They will die and that's a promise!"  
  
***  
  
"Hmm…I guess they didn't like it."  
  
"Oh well. We'll have to think of something else."  
  
Frieza and Zarbon got in the pod and thought of another idea.  
  
***  
  
Woot! Did you like it? Please review! Thanks! *gives thumbs up* I think I'm going to need some more ideas. So if you have any, tell me in your reviews or e-mail me at Undertakerulez7@aol.com. Thanks! 


	15. KaZaA

Woot! What chapter is this? Oh it's chapter 15. I lost track. *Ahem* Thanks for all the great reviews!! Thanks for the ideas! I have 2 more chapters planned out in my head. Eep…someone asked about Raditz…I completely forgot about him. Oh well, he's not that important. Maybe I can fit him in somewhere. Thanks to SilverTrunksBrat for this idea! Hope you like it! Oh yeah and Rev. gave me a great idea for the end! Thanks so much! When I finish this one (Kami knows when) I'm going to have a sequel that takes place in Hell after the Cell Games.  
  
Disclaimer: Me: Dude, where's my disclaimer dude? Cell: I don't know dude, where's your disclaimer? Me: Where's my disclaimer dude? Cell: *chuckle* I don't know dude. Me: Dude it's not funny, where's my disclaimer dude? Cell: She doesn't own DBZ or KaZaA.  
  
***  
  
"Just three more and we're free Napa."  
  
"I know! This is so great!"  
  
"How many wishes do you think we get?"  
  
"I don't know. Where should we go?"  
  
"Hmm…why don't we stay here and relax. We can check out some stuff on the computer I stole."  
  
"Ok."  
  
"I downloaded this program called KaZaA. You can download music, music videos, and PORN!"  
  
"Oh yeah! Maybe we'll can replace those awful pictures of Frieza with pictures of super models!"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
***  
  
Frieza and Zarbon have been sitting in the same spot for 3 days.  
  
"Any ideas yet?"  
  
"Not yet Lord Frieza."  
  
"Maybe we should sit upside down."  
  
"Ok."  
  
They both turn themselves upside down hoping to think of something.  
  
"Anything yet?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
Dodoria came walking into the room with a video camera.  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"This is my new video camera. You can hook this up to your computer and e- mail stuff you taped."  
  
"Oh…"  
  
"I'm making a music video later and I'm going to put it on KaZaA."  
  
"KaZaA?"  
  
"Yeah, it's this program where you can download music, music videos, videos, stuff like that."  
  
"And you can also put your own stuff on it?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
Zarbon and Frieza smiled.  
  
"Dodoria give me that camera now!"  
  
"Uh yes Lord Frieza."  
  
"Lets go Zarbon." (A/N: Damn it Dodoria! I wish I had ki cuz I'd blast that fat ass to the next dimension so fast…)  
  
***  
  
"Damn this girls are hot!"  
  
"Finally I can look at something that's not repulsive for once."  
  
"I think I forgot what Frieza looked like."  
  
"Me too."  
  
Nappa and Vegeta continued drooling at the computer screen.  
  
"Lets find some more stuff to download."  
  
"Ok."  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
"Yes Zarbon! This is going to be so great!"  
  
"I know! To think that someone so stupid can give us these wonderful ideas."  
  
"Yes, that's quite strange."  
  
Frieza and Zarbon began filming themselves. (A/N: Ahh! Don't think. Think of naked Trunks or Vegeta or if you're a guy think of naked Bulma or whomever you like)  
  
They finished (A/N: Thank you Kami!) and Zarbon hooked up the camera to the computer.  
  
"Ok…I wonder how this works."  
  
"I'll be back with Dodoria."  
  
Frieza ran out of the room and grabbed Dodoria.  
  
"Load this onto KaZaA!"  
  
"Yes Lord Frieza."  
  
Dodoria began to work.  
  
"What do you want to name this?"  
  
"Something that sounds good and would make people download this."  
  
"Ok…there."  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
"Oh look at this one…it's call 2 hot models making ice cream sundaes."  
  
"Mmm…ice cream…"  
  
Vegeta just sighed. He clicked on the name.  
  
"How long is this going to take?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
***  
  
Frieza and Zarbon made more videos. They loaded them onto KaZaA.  
  
"This was a wonderful idea."  
  
"Yes it was."  
  
***  
  
"Hmm…these look good too."  
  
"Look Vegeta that one finished!"  
  
"Good."  
  
Vegeta clicked on it and waited.  
  
"Damn this is taking really long to work!"  
  
Vegeta noticed his shoe was untied and bent down to tie it. Nappa kept looking at the screen. Finally he video began to play. Nappa smiled, but then screamed.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
Nappa pointed at the screen.  
  
"Fucking shit!"  
  
Vegeta just happened to download one of Frieza's videos. Vegeta clicked on the x.  
  
"Ok this is getting really freaky now!"  
  
"I know! They're everywhere! This isn't fucking fair!"  
  
"Maybe we should watch the other ones so we get these damn pictures out of our heads."  
  
"Ok, that's a good idea."  
  
Vegeta waited for another one to download and clicked it. They both stared at the screen and screamed.  
  
"Fuck! Not again!"  
  
"Damn! This is so horrible."  
  
"The pictures!"  
  
Vegeta quickly clicked the x and tried another one.  
  
"Please don't be Frieza, please don't be Frieza…"  
  
The video came on and Vegeta started crying.  
  
"Why! Why is this happening?"  
  
Nappa grabbed his head.  
  
"Out, out! Get out of my head! He's everywhere. I see him when I close my eyes! Help me!"  
  
"Calm down Nappa it's ok."  
  
Vegeta wiped his tears.  
  
"Where did all the pretty girls go? This is not fair!"  
  
Vegeta blinked and screamed.  
  
"Ahh! I saw him when I blinked!"  
  
Vegeta ran and got some tape. He taped his eyelids opened.  
  
"There! Now I will never see him again! Hahahahaha."  
  
"Give me the tape!"  
  
Nappa taped his eyes opened.  
  
"Yeah! Now all we have to do is drink lots and lots of coffee for 3 days and we will be ok, right?"  
  
"Right!"  
  
"Huzzah! Hahaha in your face stupid naked Frieza!"  
  
They both ran over to the coffee maker.  
  
"No!"  
  
"We ran out of coffee!"  
  
They both flew out of the hotel to a store. Vegeta and Nappa walked over to a cashier. The girl saw the tape on their eyes and looked at them funny.  
  
"Uh can I like help you?"  
  
"Yes yes…"  
  
"Uh ok, like what do you want?  
  
"Coffee! Lots of coffee!"  
  
"Um ok…"  
  
Vegeta grabbed the girl and formed a ki ball.  
  
"If you don't give us every single package of coffee you have, I will kill this girl! Then we will blow up the store!"  
  
Everyone ran over to the isle and grabbed some coffee.  
  
"Here, here's all the coffee! Please don't kill her."  
  
Nappa counted the packages.  
  
"Hmm…this seem good enough."  
  
"Good."  
  
Vegeta let the girl go and grabbed the coffee. They flew out of the store, back to the hotel.  
  
"Ok…now everything will be ok."  
  
Nappa made some coffee.  
  
***  
  
"Hmm…what should we do next?"  
  
"I'm not sure."  
  
"Perhaps we can make a nudist colony."  
  
"Yes that sounds interesting."  
  
***  
  
Eww…I'm not using KaZaA anymore! LoL! Did you like it? Please review Thanks! *gives thumbs up* Woot! Oh yeah…if you want to read a really good story read Unforgettable-Part One:Earth by Feleda Starstong. It's a mix of a bunch of animes. Each character represents at least one character from an anime. So read it now! Now I tell you or I'll have Frieza and Zarbon strip for you! 


	16. Hotels?

Woot! It's Friday! I love Friday's cuz I can update almost all my stories! This is chapter 16, right? Right. Ok, yea for Zephyr the Divine One for this idea! Thanks! And thanks for all the reviews! Hope you like this chapter!  
  
Disclaimer: Me: *thinks* hmm… Cell: *thinks* hmm… Me: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Cell: I think so. What are you thinking? Me: I was thinking that I don't own DBZ. Cell: Me too!  
  
***  
  
Frieza and Zarbon are making plans.  
  
"Ok. We start with a hotel."  
  
"Ok."  
  
"Then if that does good, we have a beach."  
  
"That's a good idea Lord Frieza."  
  
"Perfect! We didn't even need that stupid, fat blob."  
  
Dodoria walks in the room.  
  
"HELLO!"  
  
"Go away! We don't need you!"  
  
*sniffle* "Oh I see. You just use me when you need ideas! Is that it! Huh! Well see if I ever do anything stupid ever again!"  
  
Dodoria turns around and walks into the wall. He shakes his head and walks out the door.  
  
"What a retard!"  
  
"Oh well. We shall we build our hotel Zarbon?"  
  
"Hmm…"  
  
Zarbon gets a globe, places his finger on it and spins it.  
  
"Hmm…the Atlantic Ocean? We can't build a hotel there. Let's try again."  
  
Zarbon spins it again.  
  
"Ah perfect Arizona!" (A/N: Deeply sorry to those unfortunate people.)  
  
"Sounds good to me!"  
  
Zarbon and Frieza get in a pod and head to Earth.  
  
***  
  
"Vegeta, I think my eyes have dried up."  
  
"Ok, I think we can take the tape off now."  
  
Vegeta rips the tape off his eyes.  
  
"Ow!"  
  
Nappa pulls his tape off slowly. He goes to the bathroom and gets eye drops.  
  
"Here use these."  
  
Nappa and Vegeta use the eye drops.  
  
"That's much better."  
  
"Lets go find the rest of the dragon balls now."  
  
"Ok."  
  
***  
  
Frieza and Zarbon land in Arizona.  
  
"Ok let's get started."  
  
Frieza hires people to build the hotel. Zarbon begins advertising.  
  
***  
  
"YES! Another dragon ball!"  
  
"That gives us 5 right?"  
  
"Right."  
  
"Great! Just 2 more and we get our wish!"  
  
"Lets head back to the hotel and look for the rest tomorrow."  
  
"Ok."  
  
Nappa and Vegeta head back to the hotel and go to sleep.  
  
The next day…  
  
"Wow the hotel looks wonderful Lord Frieza."  
  
"Yes it does."  
  
"I bet we have lots of people come and we'll make lots of money."  
  
"Of course."  
  
***  
  
Nappa and Vegeta were flying in search of the last two dragon balls.  
  
"Let's land here."  
  
"All right."  
  
They land and begin to wander around.  
  
"I wonder where the last 2 are."  
  
"They've got to be around here somewhere."  
  
Nappa and Vegeta continue their search.  
  
A couple of hours later…  
  
"YES! Only one more left!"  
  
"This is great!"  
  
"It's getting pretty late. I heard of a new hotel that just opened up. Do you want to go there Vegeta?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
Nappa and Vegeta fly to the hotel. They walk in the door.  
  
"Hello. Welcome! How can I help you?"  
  
"Uh we'd like a room with 2 king sized beds."  
  
"Ok. Anything else?"  
  
"Make sure it has a coffee maker."  
  
"Ok."  
  
The receptionist hands them the keys and they walk to the elevator.  
  
"Humans are so lazy."  
  
"I agree. Why can't they just use stairs."  
  
They get out of the elevator and walk to the room.  
  
"So far no sign of Frieza or Zarbon."  
  
"That's good. I'd don't feel any high kis."  
  
"Good."  
  
Nappa and Vegeta walk into the room and lay down.  
  
"It feels good to finally be able to sleep."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Just one more dragon ball and that wish is as good as ours."  
  
"Yep. This is so great!"  
  
Vegeta and Nappa both fell asleep.  
  
***  
  
Vegeta's eyes shoot open. He looks around the room nervously.  
  
"Nappa?"  
  
"Mmm…"  
  
"Nappa wake up."  
  
Nappa opens an eye and jumps out of his bed.  
  
"Shh…do you feel those kis?"  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"Fuck, I wonder where they are."  
  
Nappa and Vegeta walk over to the door. Nappa slowly opens the door and peaks into the hallway. He was about to scream, but Vegeta covers his mouth.  
  
"Quiet. Where are they?"  
  
"Over there, but I wouldn't look if I were you."  
  
"Don't be stupid Nappa."  
  
Vegeta pops his head out and looks around. He holds back a scream.  
  
"Why the fuck are they naked."  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"You don't think this is a nude hotel, do you?"  
  
"Maybe. Shit. Figures that we would come here."  
  
"Shh…they're doing something.  
  
***  
  
Frieza and Zarbon knock on the door. Some naked guy opens the door.  
  
"Hello I'm Frieza and this is Zarbon. We are the owners of this hotel."  
  
"Hello."  
  
"We wanted to know if you're conformable?"  
  
"Yes. Everything is great and I'm glad I found a nudist hotel.  
  
"Ok. Enjoy the rest of your stay."  
  
"Bye."  
  
Nappa and Vegeta close the door.  
  
"We have to hide our kis."  
  
"Ok."  
  
"Quick go into this room."  
  
"Right."  
  
Nappa and Vegeta hide. Frieza and Zarbon knock on the door.  
  
"Hmm…no ones answering."  
  
"I swear I heard someone in here."  
  
"Let me check my scouter."  
  
Zarbon presses some buttons on his scouter. Nappa and Vegeta begin to sweat.  
  
"Hmm…it can't locate any kis."  
  
"Ok."  
  
Nappa and Vegeta let out their breath. Zarbon and Frieza walk into the elevator. Vegeta checks to make sure they were gone.  
  
"Ok now we can scream. AHHHH!"  
  
"AHH!"  
  
"FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!"  
  
Vegeta was banging his head against the wall.  
  
"Can't blink, can't sleep, can't think! Stupid fucking mental pictures!"  
  
Nappa was pacing around the room. Vegeta stopped banging his head.  
  
"Nappa I think I have a new wish."  
  
Nappa stopped pacing.  
  
"What? Vegeta! What are you going to wish for now?"  
  
"You'll see when we get these stupid fucking pictures out of our heads and get the last dragon ball."  
  
Vegeta goes to make some coffee.  
  
"He'll be sorry that he made us see him naked."  
  
***  
  
"Well Zarbon this seemed to work out great."  
  
"Yes. Let's get started on our beach plans."  
  
"Good idea."  
  
***  
  
Woot! Did you like it? Please review! Thanks *gives thumbs up* Woo…the next chapter is going to be the last chapter and then comes my sequel! AHH! More metal pictures! Peace! 


	17. The Beach and The Wish

Woot woot! It's chapter 17. The last chapter! Don't worry, the sequel will be coming soon. Thanks so much for the reviews! Thanks to Rev for the idea for the wish and thanks to Zephyr the Divine One for this idea! THANKS SO MUCH! Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: Me: I don't own DBZ. Cell: No! I don't own DBZ! Me: I didn't own it first! Cell: I didn't own it first! Me: Me! *shoves* Cell: No! *shoves* Me: *falls down* Fine you didn't own it first.  
  
***  
  
Frieza and Zarbon brought a beach. They begin to advertise.  
  
"Zarbon I think this is going to be great."  
  
"Yes, I agree."  
  
"No one will care if we walk on the beach naked because everyone's naked."  
  
"Yes this is truly the greatest idea."  
  
"Yes I'm so glad I thought of it."  
  
Zarbon raises an eyebrow.  
  
"Um Lord Frieza I thought of this idea."  
  
"Oh…um…it was my idea!"  
  
"No it wasn't!"  
  
"I own you, so there for I own your ideas!"  
  
"No way!"  
  
"Yes way! Zarbon you're a wonderful right hand man, I don't want to kill you and have Dodoria take your place."  
  
"Uh yes right. I'm so glad you thought of this idea Lord Frieza."  
  
***  
  
Vegeta and Nappa are searching for the last dragon ball.  
  
"Where could it be?"  
  
"I don't know Nappa. Where haven't we looked?"  
  
"Hmm…well we didn't look in South Carolina."  
  
"Ok. Let's fly there."  
  
"Ok."  
  
Nappa and Vegeta fly to South Carolina.  
  
***  
  
"So where exactly are we Lord Frieza?"  
  
"I believe this state is called South Carolina." (A/N: Who didn't see that one coming? Again sorry to those that live there.)  
  
"Oh…interesting."  
  
"Hey look people are coming to our beach!"  
  
"Great!"  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
"Geez it's really hot and I'm really tired Vegeta."  
  
"I suppose we can take a break and continue the search later."  
  
"Can we go to…"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"But I didn't finish."  
  
"Fine where do you want to go?"  
  
"The beach!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Please?"  
  
"Nappa I don't want to go to the beach."  
  
"But think of all the hot women that will be there."  
  
"Fine we'll go to the fucking beach! Are you happy?"  
  
"Yea! Thank you Vegeta!"  
  
"Yeah, yeah whatever."  
  
Nappa and Vegeta fly to the nearest beach and land.  
  
"Hmm…this appears to be a nude beach. We should check and make sure that there are no high kis."  
  
"Ok."  
  
Nappa and Vegeta both feel for any kis.  
  
"I don't feel any. Do you Nappa?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Ok let's go."  
  
Nappa and Vegeta pull down their shorts and walk on a beach. (A/N: Eww I have a mental picture of Nappa now! *bangs head on computer desk*)  
  
"Let's sit here."  
  
"Ok."  
  
Nappa and Vegeta lay down on the sand.  
  
"Ahh this feels nice."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Vegeta can I bury you in the sand?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Please?"  
  
"No!"  
  
*sniffle* "You never do anything fun! Please?"  
  
Vegeta rolls his eyes.  
  
"Fine Nappa."  
  
Nappa jumps up and down.  
  
"Ok I'll be right back."  
  
Nappa runs over to a kid, punches him in the face and steals his toys.  
  
"Ok, I have a shovel and a bucket."  
  
Vegeta watches as Nappa digs a hole.  
  
"Ok, now go in and I'll bury you."  
  
Vegeta gets in the hole mumbling something about how he got stuck with a baka. Nappa begins to fill the hole.  
  
***  
  
"Hey Zarbon do you want to go for a walk on the beach?"  
  
"Sure!"  
  
Frieza and Zarbon take their clothes off (A/N: If they have any) and head towards the beach.  
  
***  
  
Vegeta's head is sticking out of the sand. Nappa packs the sand down tight making it difficult to move.  
  
"All done."  
  
"Can I come out now?"  
  
"No. I'm going to build a sand castle now."  
  
Nappa skips over to the kid, who is rubbing his black eye. Nappa punches the other eye and takes some more toys.  
  
"Hehehe."  
  
He skips back and starts to build a castle. Vegeta watches.  
  
'I think the sun's really getting to him. Maybe he's cracking from seeing Frieza naked so many times.'  
  
"Oh! I have a great idea!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm going to build a mote and decorate the castle with pretty little shells!"  
  
'Hmm…must be the sun.'  
  
Nappa skips over to the water and fills the bucket with water. Vegeta looks around the beach.  
  
'Shit I feel two high kis!'  
  
Vegeta looks around and spots Frieza and Zarbon walking toward him.  
  
'FUCK!'  
  
"Nappa!"  
  
Nappa was busy picking up shells and holding them to his ear. Vegeta began to sweat.  
  
'Fuck they're naked!'  
  
As they came closer, Vegeta squeezed his eyes shut. Frieza and Zarbon walked over him. Vegeta sighed but felt something touch his head. (A/N: EWWW!)  
  
'Oh shit that's fucking gross!'  
  
Nappa came back.  
  
"Hi Vegeta! Why do you have that look on your face?"  
  
"You fucking son of a bitch! Do you know what you did!"  
  
"Umm no."  
  
"You left me here, unable to move and Frieza and Zarbon came walking by. I called to you, but you were to busy placing with fucking seashells! Then they walked over me and Frieza's…"  
  
"Eww! I'm so sorry Vegeta!"  
  
"THIS IS SO FUCKING NASTY!"  
  
"I'm sorry!"  
  
"I hate you!"  
  
"Please don't hate me! I'll make it up to you!"  
  
"How?"  
  
"Um…you can relax in the hotel while I look for the last dragon ball?"  
  
"Fine that will do for now."  
  
Vegeta and Nappa fly to their hotel.  
  
"Ok, you stay here and I'll look for the dragon ball."  
  
"Right."  
  
Nappa ran out of the room. Vegeta ran to the shower.  
  
"Stupid fucking lizard! Just wait until I get that last dragon ball!"  
  
***  
  
Frieza and Zarbon get in their pods and head back to the mother ship.  
  
"Well that was fun."  
  
"Yep."  
  
"I'm tired. I think I'll go to sleep."  
  
"Goodnight Lord Frieza."  
  
Frieza heads to his room, and Zarbon goes to his.  
  
***  
  
Vegeta was still in the shower when the door flew open.  
  
"VEGETA! I got the dragon ball!"  
  
Vegeta gets out of the shower.  
  
"Good job."  
  
He dries off and they go outside. Vegeta puts the dragon balls together on the ground and says the password. (A/N: I forgot what it is…I think it's arise Shelong.)  
  
"You have awaken me for my eternal slumber. What is you're wish?"  
  
"I wish that we never have to see Frieza naked ever again!"  
  
Shelong's eyes glow.  
  
"You wish has been granted."  
  
In a flash the 7 dragon balls scatter to different parts of the world.  
  
"Wow that was a good wish. So do you want to head back now?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
Nappa and Vegeta get in their pods and fly back to the mother ship.  
  
***  
  
Frieza gets out of bed and walks over to the mirror.  
  
"Hmm…I'm so pretty, what the fuck!"  
  
Frieza feels between his legs.  
  
"Where the fuck did it go?"  
  
Frieza checks his bed.  
  
"It's not here! AH!"  
  
Zarbon here's Frieza screaming and runs over to his room.  
  
"Lord Frieza is everything ok?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
Zarbon opens the door.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"It's missing!"  
  
Vegeta and Nappa walk by the door.  
  
"What's missing?"  
  
Frieza sniffles and Zarbon looks down.  
  
"Oh my! How the fuck did that happen?"  
  
"I don't know! I just woke up and it was gone!"  
  
Vegeta turns to Nappa and smiles.  
  
"Never will we have to see him again."  
  
***  
  
Hehe…that's the end. Did you like it? Please review! Thanks! *gives thumbs up* Thanks again for all the reviews! Look for the sequel. It should be up soon. Peace! 


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